I should be over it by now.

Okay, so be aware that this blog is strictly me venting... if you dont care to hear it, "x" out now.


You've had your chance. Some of you may know already that I had a falling out with my best friend Erica. Some of you may have even met her. Ever since I found out with I was pregnant with Landon things changed. I knew they would because I was moving on with my life and having to grow up super fast. I think she knew too, but neither of us said anything about it. We had been best friends since the 8th grade, had stayed close even though I moved to a different high school after freshman year, I even went to her prom. We went to the same college together and in between school years I practically lived at her house over the summers. We were so close and yet so different at the same time. She was more of a home body and reserved. I was more out going and wanted to go out all the time. Once we hit college she was more up to going out too. Once I started dating is when things got ugly. She would either criticize me for dating the guy, or constantly make fun of him. At first I just went along with it and let it roll off. But eventually it got too much and I confronted her about it. She got mad at me and said that how was she to know that it upset me when I would go along with it? Valid point, so we got over it. After I got married and had Landon things really took a turn for the worse. She stopped coming to things that I really wanted her to be apart of, and as a best friend I thought she would want to be apart of them too. She didn't come to visit me at the hospital after I had Landon. I invited her to Landon's first birthday and she didnt show, instead choosing to go a friends party. That really hurt me, and the hurt just kept on coming. We hardly hung out anymore, she started going out more and more and completely changed into a different Erica that I no longer knew. Someone that was rude, mean, and critical of others. I talked to our mutual friends about it and they had noticed it to. When I confronted her about it, she turned it around on me once again and said that what did I expect and that sorry she changed and that she didn't care. If I didn't like it then we wouldn't be friends anymore. I was so sad that she would just give our friendship an ultimatum like that. All of high school I kept to myself because in my head I said, "I already have a best friend and she's all I need." So I didn't make any effort at all to make new friends. Which when I look back on is stupid and completely my fault. Anyway, we ended up mending it, but she never genuinly apologized. Then I found out I was pregnant with Ava, I invited her to the baby shower, well before the invitations even went out because she worked and went to school adn I really wanted her to be there. She initially said she was coming, and then 2 days before she decided to go camping instead. And instead of owning up to her flakyness she said that she rarely gets to get out and that she needed a vacation. I was stunned and her coldness. But once again, I got over it. We would text eachother once in a while but that was it. Then came time for Omar and me to be sealed. I explained to her the importance of it and that I really wanted her to be there to support me even though she wasn't a member of the church. She was like okay. And not but the week before, I notice on her myspace status she has "cant wait for san fran this weekend." I was like, ummm I thought she was coming to the sealing. So then I talk to her about it and she says to me, well sorry I never get to have a vacation, Im really stressed because of my dad and I need to leave. Well come to find out it was for another friends birthday. I was so fed up with it that I called her to meet her and talk about it and she blatenly said she didn't care. She didn't care about our friendship and she choose San Francisco over me. So I asked if I could talk to her in person, and she said, fine come over my house. Now, knowing her, I knew she had told her family what had been going on between us. Her brother and I had fallen out years before because he didn't know how to mind his own business... anyway, I was uncomfortable with the idea of going to her house because I felt it was unfair that I would be cornered by her family, but I figured our friendship was worth it. So like an idiot I went and pretty much cried the entire time as she packed her bags for the weekend. The whole time she kept saying she didn't care, she didn't care about anything, my feelings nothing. I asked her in between sobs how she became so cold and she then opened her bedroom door and yelled, "ya im cold? am i cold guys? im a cold person". So immature. So I got up, asked her the final question which was, "So... your saying that if it was my birthday and I invited you, you would go with your other friends instead because you'd rather be with them?" and she said as cold as possible, "yes." and shrugged her shoulders. So I got up, gave her the Tiffany's necklace she had given me as a bridal shower gift 2 yrs earlier and stood there numb. She then started yelling, "AHHHH what do you want me to do?" Thats when her mom came in, told me to leave and escorted me down the hall as Erica was yelling behind me. When I got to the front door her mom (whom I thought of as a second mom) proceeded to tell me that I was in a cult and that I needed to get over myself and grow up. She also handed me a paper telling me how wrong Mormons are. I was soo hurt by all of it, that I walked out crying and threw the paper on the ground in the driveway. As soon as I got into my car I was hysterical, I couldn't drive but I didn't want to sit in front of their house like a blubbering idiot. So i drove to my mom's house down the street and cried in the driveway. Now, I've personally never experienced heartbreak, but I think that was it. And whats stupid is that it wasn't even by a guy, it was by my best friend. It's still hard to think about that we aren't friends anymore. When I'm washing dishes sometimes or folding laundry I replay it in my head and how I could have handled it differently. But its all over and done with.